We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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