Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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