He had one of those small greek statue penises
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
