Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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