I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
