You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
