we have pet lesbian snakes
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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