all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
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