very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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