You're completely useless in the revolution.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she peed on how many people?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
