Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You smell like stripper and shame
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
