no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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