Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
