Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
