Plan B is the new Plan A
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
