I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
