If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
