How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
