I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I want her autograph on my taint
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
