Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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