I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
