I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my poor anus
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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