Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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