A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
