I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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