At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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