sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
