My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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