Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
