if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
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