The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
