When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
