is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
don't judge my taste in strippers
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
