Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
