i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
