I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
