somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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