do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
