Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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