whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
