You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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