I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
