does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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