I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
