It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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