It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
