dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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