respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
