Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
