Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
