Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
