I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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