STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
