Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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